the ex wives club

by statia on January 25, 2006

You can put me down in the history books as one of the shittiest wives in the history of wives.

I didn’t get my husband anything for our anniversary. Not even a card. Aren’t you jealous that you’re not married to me?

Now, truth be told, yesterday was an overwhelmingly busy day. After signing my life away and spending the majority of the day on the phone making appointments to have needles stuck repeatedly into my body, along with foreign objects scraping and or being shoved into my vagina, I ended up running late at work. So in all honesty, my vagina took presence over my husband. Then I came home to g-man protesting Helen’s departure by ripping apart all of her shopping bags and strewing them across the living room, (see, H. we all miss you the way a baby misses its umbilical cord stump). Now, this is my fault because I know the G-man well enough to know that he likes to shred paper. I should have thrown it in the trash, and better yet, I should have closed the door to the spare room, but I didn’t, and so he did, and then he dragged his ass across the carpet. After that, it was off to Miss M’s training class.

So really, there was no time. And then, knowing that I didn’t get him even so much as a card, he brought home TWO bouquet’s of flowers, and a new bluetooth headset. If that isn’t love.

Also, after last weekends drinking binges and little sleep, my body is calling me a filthy whore, who isn’t 30 anymore and needs 8 solid hours of sleep. I feel like semi-ass on a stick. I’ve been pounding the airborne and zicam so that I don’t get a cold.

All of this stress of getting blood work done, and making appointments and worrying ARE THEY DOING ALL OF THE TESTS ON THAT SHEET? CAUSE I’M IN A TIME CRUNCH HERE, I’m going out for some drinks with Ornery tonight. Because I can’t wait until next weeks episode. Is Ornery really a girl?? Stay tuned to find out…


Tracy January 25, 2006 at 7:22 pm

I dunno…somehow I think “prepping the womb” for his future progeny probably works out at least equal to a bluetooth headset.

But you owe him flowers.

robyn January 25, 2006 at 7:28 pm

Isn’t 47 vials of blood the “modern” first anniversary gift? I know I saw that on a list somewhere…

Tracy January 25, 2006 at 9:44 pm

Only if you take the Angelina Jolie method, and give him one vial to wear around his neck…

{STILL creeped out by that one}

Chris January 26, 2006 at 8:43 am

Its the GUY who’s supposed to forget the gift! Happy anniversary though! :-)

Deltus February 1, 2006 at 1:23 pm

Yeah, you owe him flowers. Or a real good snogging. In general, that’s all men really want for those special days.

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