So pal, what’ll it be?

by statia on January 14, 2006

I found all of your comments yesterday fascinating. Mainly because I love to hear what people would do when faced with something that brings morals into play. It’s something where people are quick to judge others on based on what their decision is. For people that are able to attain pregnancy easily, it may seem frowned upon to either find out the sex or fuck with mother nature. A lot of “fertiles” don’t get it, and for the most part, that’s not a dig (and I say most part, because we all know that there are completely ignorant people out there, fertile or not, ignorance is alive and well in our society). I’m not saying I felt judged nor was I judging. I truly just wanted to hear different points of view.

People have asked what we would choose. To that I say, nyah nyah. This wasn’t about what we would choose, just that we could. Our decision will remain private.

My reasons for blogging publicly about my infertility isn’t because I’ve all of a sudden wanted the entire world to know what was going on in my personal life. Even though I’m public, I still like my privacy. It wasn’t for comments, pity or popularity. It was because I wanted to provide people with some semblance of an education about infertility. Infertility is still such a taboo subject. Women are completely embarressed to talk about it. Can you blame them? Your body should work, and when it doesn’t, you feel like you’ve failed. Not to mention the comments you get from people that don’t understand. Their intentions might be in the right place, but when an infertile hears them, a little part of them dies inside, wishing they had just kept their mouth shut. I don’t really like telling the entire world that my uterus is fucked up and that I can’t acheive something that should come easy to women. Something natural that a lot of people take for granted. But like they say, knowledge is power and if even one person walks away with a little more knowledge of infertility and its processes, then maybe this will help them in the future. Be it in dealing with a friend who’s experiencing infertility, or god forbid they end up having to go through this themselves.

I truly don’t wish this on anyone. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me in the core of my being when I find out that yet another person I know is pregnant. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I was one of those people. But then I think about the amazing people that I’ve met through this process and I wouldn’t trade that in for the world. Especially because I’d like to think that my infertility has made me a better person.


Ms Prufrock January 15, 2006 at 4:02 am

Yes, you have indeed met some amazing people. We are all great.

I know it sounds trite, but I do think I’m a stronger person for going through infertility, both emotionally and physically. Emotionally, 4 years of this shit has toughened me up. Physically, I’m so used to poking, prodding, and people looking at my snatch, that if I get to the point of childbirth, no problem! My legs are open wide and the snatch out for all to see already.

I hope porn stache (or porn snatche as I wrote first) makes all the good stuff happen for you.

Amy January 15, 2006 at 7:56 am

I love your insight and wisdom that “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”. I can relate to that being an addict – sometimes I can get angry and say, “Why am I an addict? Why can’t I eat, drink, smoke, whatever like normal people???” but most days I am very grateful for being an addict because finding the solution has enriched my life beyond my wildest dreams. I’ve met the most amazing people, from all walks of life and I’ve changed and turned into the woman I always wished I could be.

So, um, not to make your post all about me or anything! HA!! Just saying I can relate, even if not directly since I happen to be ” a fertile”. Heh – cute term!

Amy January 15, 2006 at 7:57 am

Oh and I feel bad for prying and asking what you wanted to have now. But, hey, I’m nosy – I’ll admit it! :-)

Ornery January 15, 2006 at 1:27 pm

I look at those fertile, well-intentioned but incredibly naive people (like the ones staying at my house right now) and though I do sometimes believe that ignorance is bliss, I also appreciate all that infertility has taught me.

Don’t get me wrong…there are times I look in the mirror and I see someone who looks a little older, a little more tired, and a lot more jaded than she used to be. But I also marvel at my strength and at the fact that my sense of humor has remained mostly intact despite everything. I think that’s why having blogs like yours is so important: because it not only educates but also shows others that infertile women are also strong, funny women who won’t put up with shit and can still find humor in the most humorless things.

jen January 15, 2006 at 2:49 pm

I am with Ornery. Blogs such as yours can be invaluable to the person who may be facing infertility and wants to know that they are not alone in how they feel.. etc…

I hate it that my pregnancy would make anyone feel as it made you feel.
I won’t lie, I am thankful that it happened before I had to endure all that you are going through. Because to be honest, I do not think I am strong enough to deal with it.

And..because I am always late for everything..the whole gender choosing thing? Oh hell yes.

Best of everything to you and the Meester…..

Melissa January 15, 2006 at 3:23 pm

At this point, given your situation and the many times you have tried the “natural” way, I do not see it as a moral issue. I see it as a personal issue and if you have the choice to choose then I think that is the most wonderful thing you could have!!

Melissa January 15, 2006 at 10:38 pm

I am tired of everyone imposing their opinion of which decision is the best, most morally sound decision for everyone else. I am childless by choice, but I think that you should do whatever it is that makes you happy and completes your idea of your family. No one deserves any less.

The Meeeester January 16, 2006 at 7:53 am

Morals are overrated. heh.

Donna January 16, 2006 at 11:59 am

I don’t think IF has made me a better person, just a different person. Less naive.

robyn January 16, 2006 at 9:42 pm

And trust me, when you finally do get pregnant the pain you have over hearing someone else is pregnant will be replaced by guilt knowing others in your shoes still are not… You’re happy for you, but you still hurt just as much for them.

Deltus January 17, 2006 at 7:20 am

I’m with the Meeeester. Morals, schmorals.

Deltus January 17, 2006 at 7:22 am

I’m with the Meeeester. Morals, schmorals.

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