My thrombophilia’s are prettier than yours

by statia on January 13, 2006

Amongst the fact that we had our big appointment today, Miss M had her insides ripped out to insure that she would never go out and get knocked up by the gigilo dog in the neighborhood, thereby making me jealous that yet another mammal in the world is able to mock me by achieving pregnancy. It was for entirely selfish reasons really. She’s home safe, sound, uterusless and drugged. We also got a tiny little “radar dish collar” for her in case she decides to start ripping out her stitches, but again, also for selfish reasons. I want to take embarrassing pictures of her and post them on the internet, further stripping her of her dignity.

Read: we missed her so much that we spent the entire day IMIng back and forth saying things like “I miss our little girl” and “i hope she made it through ok and isn’t in any pain.” We practically knocked over a gaggle of kids to reach out for her at the vets office.

Our phone consult was awesome. Both of us feel completely comfortable with our chances with Dr. M. To start, we I have a laundry list of things that I need to accomplish before we move forward. I might as well get a hose and a bucket, and siphon the blood to hand over to the doctor, because he will be getting a lot of it.

I need to get blood work for testing of the following: thrombophilias, APA (Antiphospholipid Antibody), natural killer cells, cytokines and karyotype testing. Got that? In a nutshell, because I have a history of miscarriage, and I’m young, and my uterus is actually in good shape, they want to run tests for genetic defects and also to see if my body is treating an embryo like a burglar and using its mad ninja skills to kill the embryo dead. Then I have to go in and get an antral follicle count the next time the period fairy™ graces me with her presence. For those of you that get this, you know exactly what I’m talking about, for those of you that are scratching your head like cletus the slack jawed yokel, you can turn to your good friends Mr. Google, and Ms. Wikipedia should you be so inclined, because I could be here all day.

Per yesterday’s post regarding the fact that our doctor will allow us to choose the sex of our babies prior to transfer, people have asked if we would be choosing the sex of our children. We’ve discussed it and well, yes, probably. We live in an age where we have that capability, why not? I completely understand the element of surprise and that lots of people out there choose not to find out the sex because it gives you something to look forward to and I respect that immensely. You have my undying admiration for your ability to not know for 9 whole months. That is your choice. I’m also aware that we will be extremely lucky to end up with a baby, any baby and if I had to do IVF the traditional way, without this option, I would be happy with either sex. I wouldn’t be disappointed. But we do have that choice and even if we didn’t we would find out the sex at our ultrasound anyway, should we ever get that far. That’s a mixed bag and of course poses no guarantees.

With that said, what would you do if you had that capability?

{ 23 comments }

M@ January 13, 2006 at 8:39 pm

I don’t think we would pick the sex of the first one, but the chance to have one of each in only two tries would be very compelling.

Helen January 14, 2006 at 1:27 am

I’d be choosing. I admit it. Although the boyfriend? Yeah, he’s against that. But myself, me, I would be choosing the sex.

Helen January 14, 2006 at 1:27 am

I’d be choosing. I admit it. Although the boyfriend? Yeah, he’s against that. But myself, me, I would be choosing the sex.

Some call it playing God? Well I AM God, so I get to choose.

wessel January 14, 2006 at 5:36 am

Well, ya know, this is one of those moral questions that I feel does not have a simple answer. People tend to get pretty worked up over it, sort of equating it to the abortion of female fetuses in India or China.

But the way I look at it is this: there could be many, many reasons why a couple feels strongly that they would like to have either a girl or a boy, and while some of those reasons may be petty, shallow, offbase, whatever, some of those reasons could be very sound and very understandable.

In my case, we opted not to do PGD on the donor embryos so we gave up the option to choose. Having said that, my husband does have a preference for a boy (I already have a boy from a previous marriage, so would be just as happy to have a girl this time — it really does not matter to me). The reason that I support my husband in his gender preference is because I MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY AGAIN. This may be his one and only chance of having a child, and he wants a boy. So when infertiles are dealing with the question of gender preference, some might say “shouldn’t they just be grateful for whatever they get?” but I tend to think, well, maybe they are only going to get one shot at this, and why shouldn’t the Universe grant them one little wish after all they have been through?

Just my take on it.

Solonor January 14, 2006 at 6:36 am

There’s a difference between getting to choose this way, and there’s nothing wrong with it in the slightest.

Personally, I love the fact that we have one of each, and if I were to choose, I would make sure it turned out that way again.

girl January 14, 2006 at 6:49 am

nah. I wouldn’t choose. I want to find out what I’m having via ultrasound, but I have no desire to override the natural way of things.

The Meeeester January 14, 2006 at 7:45 am

At this point for us, there is no natural way of things. So, I say, bring on Gattica for our child. I have no moral inflexibilites there.

Amy January 14, 2006 at 8:06 am

I think I’d go with the surprise on the first one and then enforce my will with any subsequent babies. Which sex do you guys want? Can you also purposely get twins or is that not possible? If that were possible, I’d do a b/g twin pregnancy. :-)

Lisa January 14, 2006 at 9:59 am

In this situation I’m almost sure I’d choose. (With the overload of testosterone in my house I’d love to have been able to choose to have a girl. ;) ) Modern technology is wonderful.

amy t. January 14, 2006 at 10:00 am

I don’t know what I’d do. My train of thought went down a very devil’s advocatey road when I thought about this, which I will not post here for fear that it might raise doubts in somebody. If you want to choose, go ahead and choose. I know for a fact that if my mother had had the option, she would have chosen. My dad said he only wanted one (he already had two kids from a previous marriage) and she desparately wanted a girl. She totally would have chosen.

And now, after all this thought about choosing, I have the “Choose Life” speech from Trainspotting running through my head.

Rob January 14, 2006 at 10:52 am

I would choose… and I choose to have a daughter. No clue why.

Donna January 14, 2006 at 11:38 am

I’m with Wessel on this one, if it were me it would be a one-shot deal, and I would want what I would want. I always hear people saying, I don’t care as long as its healthy, but I bet deep down everyone does have a preference. Or not. Maybe that’s just me.

Kathy January 14, 2006 at 11:56 am

I think it’s cool you can choose. If I could choose the next kid I would. Of course it doesnt matter to me/you either way but..eff it! It doesn’t change anything really.

Jenn January 14, 2006 at 12:32 pm

I don’t think I would choose, just have them put back whichever looks best at transfer. But if we had done PGD, I’d want to know what they were putting back and also have it confirmed later with ultrasound. I have no desire to wait to find out.

Zuly January 14, 2006 at 2:11 pm

I would be uncomfortable with choosing, but I can’t articulate why. But I think that it’s incredibly important for the couple to embrace the process to the extent to which they can,.since it’s not roses and if choosing the sex of your child allows you to maintain positivity, then you should run with it. It’ll help on day 16 of the shots. Love ya, Statia

Erin January 14, 2006 at 2:31 pm

I’d totally choose. I’d probably rip my hair out leading up to it trying to decide one way or the other, but I’d definitely do it. I think that is amazing.

donna January 14, 2006 at 7:34 pm

Hmmm….I’m not sure I would choose because, like Zuly, I would feel a bit weird about it. Plus I don’t think I want one significantly more than the other, so I wouldn’t be able to. But it’s so cool that you can do it.

I’m one of those who (if I am lucky enough to get pregnant) will not find out the sex of the baby, but I understand most people couldn’t stand the suspense of not knowing.

daisy January 15, 2006 at 2:10 am

Although I have a wonderful 21 y/o daughter if I had been able to choose I probably would have chosen and it would have been a boy. Simply because there are no boys to carry on my husband’s name and that might have been nice.

We also asked to know the sex just because I wanted to know. I don’t really care for surprises.

Julie January 15, 2006 at 10:50 am

No I wouldn’t choose. I like surprises. *NOTE* this coming from a girl who has always dreamnt of having a surprise birthday party and never got one.

Ornery January 15, 2006 at 1:09 pm

My #1 concern would be transferring the ones that seem to have the best shot of making it, regardless of sex. But if either sex looks equally promising, then, sure, why not?

Merrin January 16, 2006 at 8:12 am

I would choose. Then again, we are having to go down the adoption road, so we get to choose anyway. Does this make us moral lepers? Nope. And neither does your desire to choose.

robyn January 16, 2006 at 9:38 pm

I would choose, but that’s easy to say since I got what I wanted deep down both times…

Deltus January 17, 2006 at 7:16 am

I would choose, and I would choose a girl. But I’m biased on this, because I have two girlies, and I loves my girlies.

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