Random events at our house or: a typical saturday of dinks

by statia on November 5, 2005

Wake up at 6:30AM on a SATURDAY because a certain big dog was teasing a certain little dog in her crate, who then proceeded to yelp for freedom. But I won’t name names.

Get carpets steam cleaned because we have dogs and dogs and carpets do not mix. In the future? I will never have carpets again. Hate.carpet.

Time it took for that certain little dog to piss on freshly cleaned and pretty carpet? Let’s just say I don’t think Stanley Steemer had even pulled out of the parking lot yet.

Anyone want to take bets on how long it’ll take G-man to leave a brown racing stripe?

Take shower and get ready to go out and do dink type things.

Conversation:

Me: Oh my god, you’re not going to wear that underwear are you? Jesus, it’s all torn up. You have to have other underwear that’s clean and hole free. (note to self: secretly throw out underwear when he’s not looking, what are we? Poor?)

Him: What? It’s my Saturday underwear. (Did I mention he was so not like this before we got married?)

random conversation type stuff here.

*rriiiiiiip*

Him: Oh, I guess I have do have to change my underwear now.

Head to the city to try to find the worlds most perfect dog tote ever. Apparently, according to all of the boutiques in the bay area, I’m labeled as every store’s toughest customer. Also head to San Francisco Furniture Mart and end up getting lucky because it’s one of the only two weekends all year that it’s open to the public. Find dream set, but too bad, we just bought a new car. No dream set for us right now. SFM tradeshow is also known as “count how many pregnant women you see in the span of 10 minutes.”

Head back to the car to get the hell out of the city only get there and see some fucking WHORE SKANK sitting on my BRAND NEW CAR!!!! SHE WAS SITTING ON VULVA!!! Who the fuck does that? Seriously? Hello? Fucking ignant ghetto city people that’s who. And then, and THEN, she has the audacity to get all fucking pissy when the meester set off the panic button (“you did that on purpose didn’t you?” You get a gold star for getting the point, which is GET YOUR FUCKING FAT SKANKY WHORE ASS OFF MY CAR YOU STUPID BITCH). That car is worth more than you’ll make in your lifetime. And you’re god damn right I’m going to be a fucking uppity snobby bitch about it. Who’s the one who worked hard to pay for it? Me. Skank.

Then we come home where I still continue to search for dream dog tote™ before heading out for sushi for dinner.

P.S. I know I originally told my friends that I’d never dress my dog up in dresses, but I swear to god, if this isn’t cutest thing ever. I know, what the hell is happening to me?

P.P.S Everyone can rest easy. The dream dog tote™ has been found. See? I knew that what I was looking for exsisted. These dog boutiques just need to get with the picture. I mean really, who’s going to carry around something that screams THIS IS A DOG CARRIER!!? I know you really care and that you’re all disappointed in me for become one of those people. But, I won’t let it go unknown, that the meester totally wants this. And he’s not gay. She’s just sucked us into the cuteness so much, that we want to bag up her cuteness and take it with us everywhere. And carrying the cuteness around in your arms just won’t do. She gets too heavy to carry around like that. Also? Suzie? I can’t make any promises on the toenail painting, but so far, she’s hating clothes, so pedicures may be out of the question.

Everyone I know with a chihuahua says that they love to be dressed up. We apparently got a defective chihuahua.

{ 8 comments }

Camille November 5, 2005 at 6:11 pm

Oh my gosh! I can’t believe she was sitting on your car. Seriously….who does that?!

suzie November 5, 2005 at 6:52 pm

now, i ADMIT i have been guilty (very very guilty) of putting 1) reindeer antlers on the dog 2) alien costume on the cat for halloween… but for your own good… step away from the rhinesones. that dress just ain’t right. next thing you know you’ll be painting her toenails.

please tell me you aren’t painting her toenails…

Lisa November 5, 2005 at 7:22 pm

That’s ballsy sitting on someone else’s car. Stupid too.

And the underwear thing? So know that song. ;)

jen November 5, 2005 at 9:26 pm

We have a defective chihuahua too. He is dumb as dirt..and big..doesn’t look like a pure breed even though the man has papers on him. Whatever. I say he got screwed.

This animal is so painfully stupid its hard to witness sometimes. He HATES clothes and hates having his paws touched.

And hes a pisser. I have to be like Hitler up in here to keep him from ruining everything…

My Grandmothers chi though…is such a good dog. Sweet, smart..sassy..and doesn’t pee on EVERYTHING….

geeky November 7, 2005 at 8:49 am

ha! as i was reading i was thinking “if that bitch sat on my car, i would hit the panic button”. and then you said you did, and i cheered (in my head, because i’m at work, and my boss would be like wtf? if i really cheered).

Ms. Pants November 7, 2005 at 10:16 am

My evil plan is working!

suzie November 7, 2005 at 5:10 pm

well, if she WON’T wear dresses (yay!! smart dog!!) then all systems are a GO for painting nails. oooh!! you can put the rhinestones ON THE PEDICURE.

Deltus November 9, 2005 at 11:14 am

Did you tell skank ass car sitting bitch to talk to the hand? I would seriously have lost my shit.

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