Random bitching about the next step and insensitive stupid assholes.

by statia on November 7, 2005

We were making headway on the next step and in figuring out our finances, the next step came to a screeching halt. While technically yes, we have enough money, we still have no choice but to finance it, which is exactly what I didn’t want to do. This whole thing is just pissing me off and I’m sure that there’s a certain Period Fairy™ factor in there. I’m getting angry all over again. I want to scream fuck you every ignorant bastard who just doesn’t get it.

What you shouldn’t say to an infertile:

“Kid’s aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, you’re lucky you don’t have kids.”
Thanks dickhole, but let me find out for myself ok? If I’m given the chance, and I hate them, maybe then I’ll sell them on the black market

“It’s in God’s hands.”
Look, if you’re religious that’s fine, that’s your perogative, but don’t go telling me that my medical disability inability to have a baby is because of some guy that lives on big puffy clouds and wears a toga and sandals.

“It will happen.”
Do you have a crystal ball? Can I borrow it because I want to see for myself that you’re 100% positive it’ll happen for me.

As I walked around SFM on Saturday, (a.k.a. pregnantstock 05). I looked at every woman and wondered just exactly how long it took her to get to get pregnant. 1 month? 6 months? 2 years or more? Was it an oops baby or did that woman endure the same emotional whiplash as myself and the many other infertiles out there? Every woman has a story and not all of them started out happily. I can assure you. It’s the tabooness that leads to insensitive comments like the waitress at the Italian restuarant Robyn ate at over the weekend.

This woman obviously didn’t have children. Maybe this woman with the children didn’t have a hard time if she had four. Maybe she did. But Robyn, being within earshot, got it. She gets.it. In her case, yes, she’s lucky, and she knows that. But at the same time, had she had a girl, would she have been disappointed?

Maybe a little, but only because she knows I’d send that kid every single fucking pink outfit known to man. But that’s just me.

Seriously though, the question “are you hoping for a boy or a girl?” along with “are you planning on having kids?” both just smack of complete and utter ignorance. The kind of ignorance where your head is jammed so far up your ass that you can see the back of your teeth.

I think that the world needs an education on tact and infertility. That and they need to get their fat fucking ass off the hood of my car.


Pamela November 7, 2005 at 6:05 pm

Big ass dent.
Big ASS dent.
Big ass DENT.
BIG ASS dent…

Lisa November 7, 2005 at 6:18 pm

Sometimes people suck. I’m sorry that you’re finding more of your share of them.

Camille November 7, 2005 at 6:44 pm

Okay, we should write a book. You and I can be the What not to Say, Girls. Seriously.

Merrin November 7, 2005 at 7:03 pm

You forgot: “Why don’t you have kids yet?” or the ever popular “How old are your kids?” when people assume that, just because you’re married and of a certain age, you must have children. Yeah, I feel ya.

Helen November 8, 2005 at 12:02 am

My favorite is: (while rolling their eyes and fake laughing)-You want kinds? Oh, you can have mine!

At which point I look very serious and ask them what time I should come by to sign the papers.

I swear we need to make it clear to people who are undergoing infertility that there is a great deal of sympathy, support and love while none of that patronizing shit. I wish people could just say:

“I bet you’d love a cup of hot cocoa right now”.

That would do it for me. That would mean, to me, they understand without any of that other BS.

geeky November 8, 2005 at 10:20 am

i’m not even going to pretend that i “get it”, but i am taking notes… it looks like my future sister-in-law is headed for fertility problems of her own, and it is good to know what NOT to say.

Kevin Donahue November 8, 2005 at 7:07 pm

I can’t even begin to explain how much I’m feelin ya, Sporty.

Deltus November 9, 2005 at 11:21 am


robyn November 9, 2005 at 12:40 pm

This just makes me even more pissed at Capital One right now.

Go on and send the pink in bulk. You know it ‘fits’ anyway. ;-p I’ll just get an Rx for homocil…

I say we go on some insensitivity ass-kicking cross-country jags. We’ll both feel better.

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