My husband, the obsessed asshole licker.

by statia on November 30, 2005

Driving home from dinner tonight the meester and I discussed the chicks I’d bang list, because doesn’t every girl have a chicks she’d bang list? If you don’t, you should, because its complete fantasy and hypothetical. Chances are, none of these celebrities are lesbian (you yourself, might or might not be a lesbian, either way, all women need to feel comfortable admitting when a chick is hot) and if they are, they’re not going to want to bang you anyway. You might be hot, but you’re not THAT hot. I added Keira Knightley to my list and holy shit, she’s only 20?!?! I feel old now.

She’s a little on the thin side, and she’s not up there with Mariska, but she’s cute. The conversation that followed once I told the meester went something like this:

Me: I think I’m going to add Keira Knightley to my list of chicks I’d do.
Him: Oh yeah, she’s cute.
Me: Yeah, she’s not on the Mariska scale by any stretch, but I’ll include her on the list.
Him: So you’re saying that if Mariska and Keira were up for a three way, you’d let me in on the action?
Me: Hell. No. You can’t have sex with another woman.
Him: I’m not saying I’d have sex with her.
Me: You’re not sticking your dick in her asshole either.
Him: Who’s saying I want to do anal with her?
Me: There will be no licking of any other woman’s asshole, and if that makes me a jealous bitch, then so be it. Oh, and there will be no licking of my asshole either, but we’ve already discussed that at length.
Him: So you’re saying as a 30th anniversary present, you’re not going to surprise me by letting me toss your salad just that once?
Me:*bangs head on steering wheel*
Him:Love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu. [/Peter Griffin]


Donna November 30, 2005 at 11:09 pm

I’m seriously speechless. And that NEVER happens. And yes, I do have a To Do List, both boys and girls. Equal opportunity doer, that’s me.

ciz December 1, 2005 at 6:28 am

yes, my list is long….. KK is on my list also, if she would eat something…. she is skinny ; )
i think Angelina would be at the top of the list though

Kim December 1, 2005 at 6:53 am

LOL…I only had one on my list, Kate Beckinsale, until the other night when I added Rachel McAdams. And, I’m with you, it’s only okay for the guys to watch NOT JOIN! :)

Molly December 1, 2005 at 11:00 am

Hey, speaking of Mariska, did you hear she’s knocked up? Ah, it happens to the best of them.

She has a very cute little website, however –

And my list also has Rachel Weisz. “Enemy at the Gates,” anyone?

tj December 1, 2005 at 11:34 am

what, no liv tyler? i bet SHE’D do anal …

M@ December 1, 2005 at 1:27 pm

I just wonder if there are any guys that would admit to having a lst like that, and I’m not talking about a chicks I’d bang list.

amy t. December 1, 2005 at 2:17 pm

The title of this post made me snort at my desk. Thanks.

fran December 2, 2005 at 12:25 pm

dude, i’d toss salad AND steak with KK….

(yeah, i have absolutely no idea what the latter means it… just sounded good)

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