Because you only worried about shit like this when you were in middle school.

by statia on November 4, 2005

I’m addicted to CSI. I used to not like it. I just couldn’t get into it. The Meester got a season pass on Spike, so we had all of these episodes clogging up the tivo and NOTHING on tv. So I started putting it on for background noise and then? I started pay attention a little bit. I tried to act like I just needed the tv on, but I think the Meester was on to me. Then? I did what any person would do. I started watching it in secret. It was like an addiction. Eventually, the jig was up and now we watch it together. It’s my favorite show and I don’t care what anyone says, Grissom is dreamy.

Anyway so last night’s episode found a single mother dead. While she was in the medical examiners office, they notice that she’s given birth, but her cherry? There was no poppage there. SHE WAS A VIRGIN!!! She was the mother of the baby jesus, people. Immaculate conception and then delivered via c-section. Because Mary? You know that she had a c-section with some homemade tools from stone, chicken wire and a tigers tooth. Or some shit like that.

Dr. Robbin’s being a scientist and all, wasn’t buying the Mary shit. Probably because no one murdered Mary at point blank range, but really, it was most likely because he was a scientist and scientists believe things that are of the devil. Or, to take directly from the CSI website:

Her miraculous conception can be explained by the word “frottage,” i.e., the rubbing certain body extremities together. The hymen is not a barrier to semen or STDs. If sperm meets labia, all bets are off, and gravity takes things to the next level.

Can I just say HA? Or HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And here I thought all this time, you were actually supposed to put the penis IN the vagina. I’m so stupid. No wonder I’m infertile.


Pete November 4, 2005 at 3:55 pm

They should have wrote something like “Ho, please. Bitch just had that shit in her enough to get the juice.”

jen November 4, 2005 at 6:49 pm

dude..when Nick said “dry humping” , i almost peed a little.

And I am with you on the CSI addiction. I HATED that show when it started. Now, we own all the seasons on DVD..AND we watch all the reruns.

AND…Grissom is hawt.

Helen November 5, 2005 at 12:28 am

OK, so explain this to the former Catholic girl (I’ve been trying to make up for lost time, but come on, there are only so many hours in a day)-how can you give birth without busting the hymen?

Might need to straddle a mirror just so I can figure this one out, but then again, the idea? Yeah. Does my damn head in.

And I can’t get it out of my head that she’s a victim of Spray and Run.

Pamela November 6, 2005 at 7:59 pm

Mary was the Immaculate Conception. She was born without original sin .

Deltus November 9, 2005 at 11:04 am

Yeah, you can just stick the head in and spurt. Doesn’t have to be totally in.

Of course, I have NO idea why any man would want to do that, but I’m just sayin’.

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