A day in the life of yuppies with expensive cars

by statia on October 30, 2005

It starts out something like this. Cleaning out the under the sink and organizing the millions upon millions of girly lotions, body washes, perfume and makeup that I have. Notice that yuppies do this sort of thing with cute accessory dogs sitting on their lap. Miss M. cannot pass up a lap on the floor. Not that she’ll help with the manual labor (unless manual labor constitutes curling up on my knee to take a nap, tough life our dogs have). After the organization of the vanity is complete, yuppies then hop in their car and head to places like Crate and Barrel and Bed Bath and Beyond.

Oh and also Ikea, which I fucking hate. We went to pick up matching new desks , ones which would allow us to display our rather large collection of toys and kitsch. Going to Ikea on a Sunday afternoon on the weekend of their 20th birthday celebration is like going to New Years Eve in Times Square, or like standing right smack dab in the middle of the Boston Marathon, or maybe a mixture of the two. And the best part? That desk just happens to be the most popular thing at Ikea this year because not only were they sold out but they were OVERSOLD on them. God dammit I hate Ikea. Every single time we set foot in that store for something, we usually end up walking out empty handed because we go in there with a list of shit, and find one thing on the list and everything else either sucks or their out of it. Yet, we’re stupid yuppies that subject ourselves to it at least once every two months.

Yuppie men also randomly get their HAND humped by accessory dogs. Hahahaha. We have no idea where the fuck it came from, but it was some damn funny shit.

The day ends up something like this, except picture a laptop on my lap and a tivo remote in my hand. So that’s a day in the life of a yuppie with an expensive car. But I’m not really a yuppie, because real yuppies wear matching pajama sets from places like Victoria’s Secret and J. Crew and shit. They don’t wear unmatching fleece pants and shirt from Old Navy or faux fur slippers from Target.

I’ve also been feeling a tad bit guilty for dumping the land barge like I was caught with a cheap hooker. To assuage my guilt, I like to think that she’s in a much happier place, like a big farm with lots of room to live. But I can’t help but miss her a bit since it was all so sudden. We had some good times together. Goodbye land barge. I’ll miss you.

{ 4 comments }

Deltus October 31, 2005 at 7:08 am

When I read that, I at first read it as “large barge”, not “land barge”. Which got me thinking about Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and the character Large Marge.

I just thought I’d share that with you.

You’re welcome. :)

geeky October 31, 2005 at 11:25 am

i wanna be a yuppie when i grow up!

Erin October 31, 2005 at 12:00 pm

What’s Target?

Heh. Kidding.

missy November 8, 2005 at 7:30 pm

OMG. We did Ikea Atlanta this weekend (20th) as well. It turned into the what the fuck did we just buy ™ weekend as well. Not only were we there once, but 3 times on one fucking sunday. (thanks Ikea for fucking up our order!) I swear 3/4 of goddammed atlanta must have been there. I hate Ikea. We bought an island on a whim. We had just gone to look.

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