Please pass the soft serve

by statia on January 5, 2005

Well, that was kind of fun now wasn’t it?

So anyway, can some please riddle me something? Why does your asshole sting like a bitch when you’ve got the shits? I don’t eat spicy foods, but my GOD, right now, I have the chills my hole stings so bad. I just don’t understand it.

{ 26 comments }

Deltus January 5, 2005 at 10:27 am

When you’ve got the “shits”, your poop has a greater acidity. Your anus is a mucous membrane, and the acid both removes some of the mucous protecting it, and irritates the underlying, and might I add more sensitive than average, skin. Hence, “shits” = greater irritation.

Using some Vaseline on your anus would help, as that is much less prone to breakdown from acid.

buddha January 5, 2005 at 10:35 am

girl…you’re just not right.

however…we’ve all been there. I especially like that stingy..itchy feeling. Makes me squirm in my chair.

**squirms**

Pete January 5, 2005 at 10:37 am

It’s probably the velocity you’re firing those turds out of the ol’ balloon knot. Don’t push so hard, next time, and it probably won’t hurt as bad.

sporty January 5, 2005 at 10:40 am

Oh.mah.god. Deltus. That was like, way more information that I needed to know. I think I need a shower now.

sphinx January 5, 2005 at 10:40 am

sphinx January 5, 2005 at 10:50 am

Deltus = Doctor Anus.

shaunacat January 5, 2005 at 10:51 am

I’ve heard it’s the oils in the peppers that flavor the food…something about it not breaking down and coming out the other end. UGH.

Amy January 5, 2005 at 11:42 am

I’m am laughing so hard over here.

I’ll pass the Immodium but it’ll bind you up for a few days!

Princess January 5, 2005 at 11:45 am

It means you need to eat more cheese.

Melissa January 5, 2005 at 12:53 pm

Just a thought………..wouldn’t the Vaseline come off while you are shitting or when you wipe and when you wipe doesn;t that hurt too??…….just a thought?!?!??

Funkalicious January 5, 2005 at 1:52 pm

Well, everyone has pretty much answered your question here, so I have nothing to add. Thanks for the great laugh, though, LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

LT January 5, 2005 at 2:36 pm

seriously, are you even trying?

Meester's Seester January 6, 2005 at 3:47 am

Sing a-long!!!! Burn, burn, burn that ring of FIRE!!!

Meester's Seester January 6, 2005 at 3:47 am

Sing a-long!!!! Burn, burn, burn that ring of FIRE!!!

Meester's Seester January 6, 2005 at 3:47 am

Sing a-long!!!! Burn, burn, burn that ring of FIRE!!!

Meester's Seester January 6, 2005 at 3:52 am

European…I still say he looks european. I bet Melissa has seen the post and has a comment.

Meester's Seester January 6, 2005 at 3:52 am

European…I still say he looks european. I bet Melissa has seen the post and has a comment.

Meester's Seester January 6, 2005 at 3:52 am

European…I still say he looks european. I bet Melissa has seen the post and has a comment.

sporty January 6, 2005 at 6:28 am

So, you’re pointing at how ugly he is?

ed adkins January 6, 2005 at 9:24 am

as usual, your comments section holds the friggin mysteries to the universe.

i’ve learned enought o just call it a day. Think I’ll go get some really really hot mexican food.

annette January 6, 2005 at 10:07 am

This post actually brightened my day – because this morning I was thinking ‘why me’ as I am in bed lying sick – shooting snot rockets the size of golf balls…

Knowing I don’t have the squirts puts it all in perspective.

@

p.s.
Eucerine is much better than vasoline. When your ‘balloon hole’ has hydrochloric acid burning holes through it and the toilet bowl, putting Eucerin on is like no other relief.

Deltus January 6, 2005 at 2:31 pm

I didn’t mean to gross you out. Frankly, on this general topic, I didn’t know I could. I was just answering the question.

For the cream, yes, that would give relief.

For the poop removing the vaseline/cream when you go, yes it would. I would suggest wiping really well, and reapplying when you’re done. Nobody should suffer from Burning Anus Syndrome. :)

Meester's Seester January 6, 2005 at 5:08 pm

YES! I was pointing at how “european” he looks!

Meester's Seester January 6, 2005 at 5:08 pm

YES! I was pointing at how “european” he looks!

Meester's Seester January 6, 2005 at 5:08 pm

YES! I was pointing at how “european” he looks!

Camille January 6, 2005 at 6:04 pm

yup, there you go again! Seriously, if anyone ever needs good laugh, they ought to come here. You are so brutally honest it hurts!!!

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