I hear a voice “You must learn to stand up for yourself, cause I can’t always be around”

by statia on December 13, 2004

I don’t think that I’ve made it private that I don’t speak to my parents, for a multitude of reasons. I finally sat down a few months back and wrote them a “john deer” letter. My mother had sent me money for my birthday, and after going back and forth akwardly for the past few years regarding gifts, I had to put a stop to it.

I had to do this for myself. Those that know the situation, completely understand what I did. I don’t blame my parents for me being the way that I am. Hell, I don’t blame them for a lot of things, that I could very well point fingers and blame them for. I take issue with kid who rightfully think that they are forever owed something because they think got a raw deal from their parents. I wasn’t the perfect child growing up. I went through the “You have to do this for me, you’re my parents” phase. You only hope that kids wake up one day, and grow up, and learn to understand why your parents did things the way they did. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, or treating them like shit because your ideals in parents don’t match up to what you think you should have.

I went through my beef with my parents and gave them a complete letter as to why I had done what I had done. I told them what I was thinking and why I came to the conclusions I had come to, and left it open. I have not heard one word from them since. I just couldn’t rightfully go on and just have them act like nothing had happened.

Point is, I woke up, and grew up. I don’t hate them for what they did. I don’t have any sort of want from them. At all. I’m sure they had certain reasons for certain things. Others they probably just did what they thought was right at the time, even if it resulted in a negative outcome. Kids don’t come with a manual, and parents aren’t always going to do the right thing at the time. I’m sure that every parent spends a lifetime of regret for one thing or another that they could have changed.

Do the majority of kids wake up and realize this one day? I’m really lucky that I did, but I have to wonder if some kids just never see how they’re being.

Fuckin’ Christ. Procreating comes with a whole big scary set of responsibilities doesn’t it?

That’s it, I’m buying monkeys. I can handle poo flinging.


The Meeeeester December 13, 2004 at 3:05 pm

You should be able to handle poo flinging after living with me. :D

Deltus December 13, 2004 at 3:31 pm

The more I hear about other’s relationships with their parents, the more grateful I am for the straight-arrow upbringing I received from my straight-arrow parents. I have, like, the uber-parents or something.

Seester December 13, 2004 at 3:52 pm

“You have to have a license to drive a car and a license to own a dog, but any butt-reaming asshole can be a father.”
Keanu (Meester, what does his name mean again?) Reeves, Parenthood

Lisa December 13, 2004 at 4:07 pm

Good for you. Seriously. I’ve had a simliar talk with my mom and what’d she do? Lock herself in the bathroom, take Zanax and cry.

Love you.

Rob December 13, 2004 at 5:19 pm

I wish I could do what you did and be honest with my parents (specifically my mother). I understand more than most how painful a difficult parental relationship can be and in my situation where I speak regularly with my Dad but hang up when my mother answers the phone, yeah… it’s a definite pain.

Pamela December 13, 2004 at 11:38 pm

I think parents may have regrets, but generally they do their best, and try not to beat themselves up over spilt milk.
When they are forever gone, regrets aren’t theirs.

When you have kids of your own, you will know. That’s how it works. You will remember things that happened to you as a child, through your own kids. But you’ll see it from a new place, as a parent yourself, and the view will surprise you.

sphinx December 14, 2004 at 5:22 am

*flings poo*

marie December 14, 2004 at 8:36 am

Parenthood comes with responsibilities, and my parents weren’t ready for them.

I wish that I was able to lay the shit out like you admirably did with your parents, but I know what the outcome would be and I’m not ready to go there right now, if I ever.

Stephanie December 15, 2004 at 6:06 am

You are a better person for setting it all out on the table. Hopefully it gives you the space to be who you need to be to be a happy, content, full person and to continue contributing (selfish am i?)to my daily blog reads! Not that my opinion really matters!!

robyn December 15, 2004 at 8:59 am

I’m real proud of ya’ for doing this. Real proud.

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