It’s what the French call, a bidet

by statia on October 5, 2004

I miss my Costanza personal bathroom™ at my old job. I’ve gotten better about pooping in public. Before, it was like, the poop was smarter than me. I physically couldn’t go.

There’s the “penthouse” at the new job (i.e. the handicapped stall), that I use now. The problem with that is you have to immediately courtesy flush (whereas before, in the Costanza bathroom, I didn’t have to sit there with my hand on the lever like it was a race (I’m a super fast pooper, so it didn’t smell)). Well, you know, how the toilet water sprays up? This one, is like a full on fountain. Leaving my ass drenched everytime I use it. This is a little bit of a disgusting dilemma for me. Do I stew in my poo, or do I stew in my poo?

Don’t you just love how I waste your time?

{ 11 comments }

Wendy October 5, 2004 at 6:57 pm

I have some sick phobia about my ass getting sprayed with toilet water. We have automatic flushers at my work, and they’re kind of jacked up, because sometime they spray your ass even when you’re still going.

I mean, what if you courtesy flush and it gets clogged up and you can’t do anything about it, because your pants are still down around your ankles? You can’t just stay on the toilet with it overflowing, because then you’re really stewing in poo.

Sorry, I get freaky about courtesy flushing and toilets flooding.

tj October 5, 2004 at 7:46 pm

yes i do. gratzi.

fran October 5, 2004 at 8:20 pm

“I’m a super fast pooper, so it didn’t smell”

wow, i didn’t really need to have an image of you race pooping racing in my head…not at all sporty…not at all….*snark*

martha October 6, 2004 at 5:41 am

I’d vote for not courtesy flushing… as much as the idea is nice – bathrooms stink, they always do, always will, that’s what they’re meant for. Save yourself from stewass…the others will deal.

huy October 6, 2004 at 5:44 am

We have those automatic flushers too. When I wear dark shirts, it starts flushing every 5 seconds. People start thinking I have an OCD about courtesy flushing or something.

Rin October 6, 2004 at 6:30 am

Sheesh what a dilemma! Something for me to ponder… I feel for you… heh

amy t. October 6, 2004 at 7:48 am

This post was a little disturbing.

And completely hilarious.

Deltus October 6, 2004 at 7:56 am

Don’t courtesty flush. You flush when you’re good and done in the stall.

ed adkins October 6, 2004 at 1:02 pm

You could just hit flush, wait till after the splash and then plant yourself and speed through it before it finishes.

Could be tricky, but the fun is in the danger.

Princess October 7, 2004 at 9:27 am

OMG – do you remember the public toilet squat exercise instruction sheet on the bathroom door in that bar in NYC?

That’s what I do… poop, hand on the handle, raise my butt off the seat while simultaneously courtesy flushing, usually missing all the excess water spray emanating from the bowl.

Great quad exercise, too!

Hindsight Prophecies October 9, 2004 at 11:39 am

Princess Bidet

I suppose this might be the next best thing to the Costanza personal bathroomâ„¢: Gadget Helps Bathroom Shy Women When Naoko Ito uses a public bathroom, she cringes in embarrassment at the thought that other patrons can hear the sounds…

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