See you next tuesday…. *PUNT*

by statia on September 13, 2004

A little over a year ago. I was having a shitty year. Like, I couldn’t get a break shitty. Like, bipolar was kicking my ass shitty. It wasn’t fun kids. No fun at all, but that’s not my point. In fact, I was just dragging this out so that I could take up space.

One day last June, Sphinxy came to visit me to cheer me up. She brought candy, and we took G-man for a walk at the farm park near my old apartment. He decided to fart the entire time. Anyway, because I walked there nearly every day, I was used to having a random deer jump out in front of me, and other sorts of wildlife cross my path. The city girl on the other hand, wasn’t. Aside of birds and the occasional squirrel. We saw a groundhog on our walk, and I remember her freaking out, and yelling at it to stay away, or she’d punt it into next Tuesday. I assured her, that it was probably more scared of her, while it was running for the fields.

The Meester and I were hot tubbing over at the club house, and he saw a racoon jump into the lagoon that surrounds the entire pool area. Not one but two, and the little fuckers were doing the backstroke. Just lounging around like they were at club med. I started to get a little freaked out. I hate those things. I thought for sure one of them was going to come over and jump into the pool area. Seriously, those things have been known to get all weird on you.

Stupid asshole racoons, ruining my good time in the hot tub.


The Meeeeester September 13, 2004 at 11:08 pm

She forgot to mention that they had Mexican accents and were scared little bitches that spent most of their time in a tree apart from when they were training in synchronized swimming.

Jennifer September 13, 2004 at 11:45 pm

Yeah. But have you ever heard raccoons doing it? It’s the most disturbing sound ever. (Hello? Raccoons should never sound like Muslim women doing that “huhlalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” thing. I am le freaked out.)

Buzz September 14, 2004 at 2:44 am

No, you were dead on. Squirrels and groundhogs and deer? Fine. Raccoons? No freakin’ way! I hate those nasty creatures. They oughtta rename them. I think people should start calling them ‘targets’.

(Sorry PETA folks)

But seriously. POW!

huy September 14, 2004 at 5:31 am

Those racoons are sneaky too…Someone was telling me once how they had a screen porch. The racoons chewed a whole in one side to get at some cat food, then chewed a whole in the other side. Then, they could do hit and runs on the food. damn sneaky bastards.

tricia September 14, 2004 at 5:42 am

Oh let the racoons enjoy their backstrokes… but when they start looking at you funny with one eye and there’s a little bit of foam coming out of its mouth… i give you permission to run.

Deltus September 14, 2004 at 8:02 am

I love racoons. They make excellent skeet. PULL!

sphinx September 14, 2004 at 8:28 am


Faith September 14, 2004 at 10:55 am

I heard some strange rustling noises in my front yard last week…it was late. I was sort of freaked out. So I peered out my window, and saw 3 dog-sized racoons wandering about my front yard, climbing my trees and shit. So I got my flashlight and shined it out the window, and told them to get the hell out of here! They all three stopped and looked at me as though I was high (except for the one that really stared me down…I thought he was going to jump through the screen to get me!), and then rambled along in my yard a bit more before finally wandering away.

For the record, the flashlight thing works on fighting cats. Not on racoons. They don’t take shit from anyone. Which is why they scare me…*shudders!*

Little One September 14, 2004 at 11:14 am

that’s ok racoons aren’t too bad. We have coyotes at home and we live in the CITY!. Imagine seeing one of those things walk in front of your car! They scare the bgjuezes out of you!! Did I mention how much they scare me?

sledge September 14, 2004 at 12:16 pm

My former place of work was a HAWT attraction to raccons, possums, and skinks.

The skunks loved the building so much, that whenever the air conditioner came on outside, they’d spray it. repeatedly.

The smell, needless to say, was wonderful …

tj September 14, 2004 at 5:58 pm

i thought only swingers used hot tubs. LOL!

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