It’s a coffee table book about coffee tables

by statia on August 28, 2004

It’s been a crazy busy day here. Today was mega super no fucking around get shit done day™. G-man had a couple of not so pretty accidents on the carpet, which was fun cleaning up. I made those stains my bitches. I made black ass pee invisible.

I also finally got my hair cut and colored. I was starting to look like a crackwhore with these roots and split ends. Fuckin’ shit cost me 250 bucks. For a cut and color. I walked out of there feeling pretty, but like they didn’t use any lube. No reach around, nothing.

We also finally got a coffee table. We got a sweet deal on this today because some couple bought one last night, and brought it home, only to find out that it didn’t fit, so they brought it back, sans box. Nothing wrong with it, and we got it for $200 less because they returned it an hour before. Now we don’t have to break down the box and try to remember to take it out on trash day.

I ate some of that Jessica Simpson body mousse, and now my tongue doesn’t feel quite right. Actually, I kinda can’t feel it. Do you think that’s normal?


Ms. Pants August 28, 2004 at 5:10 pm

Dude! That happened to me when I tried it in the store. Sorry, but if some dude is licking me cos I taste good, I don’t want his tongue going numb. The tongue is no good to me then.

Jennifer August 28, 2004 at 7:18 pm

Note to self: Stick with whipped cream.

Deltus August 28, 2004 at 10:19 pm

In my day, we used plain old chocolate sauce, by crackey, and it was good enough for us!

BTW, “blass ass pee” sounds like some weird cajun fetish dish.

Sir Henry's sistah August 29, 2004 at 5:35 am

LMAO!!!! Did you check to see if it has nonoxynol-9 in it??? LOL!

tj August 29, 2004 at 5:42 am

your tongue is fine … until the slight coating of fur starts to form. then you should probably drink a bottle of windex or something.

geeky August 30, 2004 at 2:40 pm

just don’t eat to much of that stuff – i saw the episode of her show where she was filming the commercial for it. after a few takes, she was hurling. if that doesn’t say “i’m hot, lick me”, i don’t know what does.

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