This will most likely make you want to hurl

by statia on June 8, 2004

Something I need to get off my chest. Because my chest is big enough without having anything on it. And I warn you, there’s some sap ahead (just some, I swear)


I don’t handle stress well. Well, I do better under pressure, but I don’t handle the stress well at all. If that makes any sense. Right now, I feel like I’m being pushed to my limits. Because of this, I’m a little walled up right now. It’s hard for me to put things into perspective. I’m working on little sleep, with a list of stuff up in the air, that’s a mile long. Job, move, finding a new place, telling my current employer, telling my current landlord, packing, the actual cross country move itself. On top of my daily routine, which leaves me little time for relaxation. I have to stop and not lose sight of the end result. Being with the person that I love to the very core of my being. The one that I consequently, calmed the fears of, on Saturday. The very same fears that I have going on in my head right now. I know it’s normal to be scared. This is such a huge change in my life. This isn’t the 1 hour move I made 7 years ago to the Philadelphia area. This is the big leagues. I know that if I had to do this on my own, it’d never happen. I know that right now, I’m not making him feel better. I’m not making myself feel better. Not to mention, I feel like I’m being difficult about certain things when it comes to looking for a place. Such as a/c. Living on the east coast with hot summers, this is just something that’s weird to me. Apartment buildings with no a/c. Am I being weird here? I’m a girl that opens her windows in the dead of winter. I don’t want to make this any harder than it has to be. Without him, I wouldn’t be where I am right now. And I hope he realizes that.

But right now, I need to find my zen, for all of us, and hope that I’ll look back on this a couple of months from now and laugh.

{ 11 comments }

Princess June 8, 2004 at 3:48 pm

Ohhh, I so want to give you a hug right now and send you some zen.

Can you leave work early one day and go do something good for you? Or just go home and take a nap (no packing, just a nap… and maybe a bath?)

I did this whole thing 5 years ago, and it wasn’t easy, but I quickly learned that if I was going to work I had to throw myself into doing just TWO things: I forced myself to stay positive and focus my energy on achieving my goals (new job, new residence), and I allowed myself to accept help from those who offered it.

All the other stuff just fell into place once I stopped worrying about it and just did what I needed to do.

I’m here for you. Anything you need, please just ask me. This too shall pass.

Sir Henry June 8, 2004 at 3:49 pm

As long as I can say good night to you and wake up to see your beautiful, smiling face in the morning, no amount of stress will hinder what we have and what we will have when you get here. Nothing is going to keep us apart. :)

LT June 8, 2004 at 4:09 pm

^^ I think *I* love him LOL.

I am here for you too, as you know. I’ve been through something similar to this before, and I know you will be absolutely fine once everything is in plcae. It’s stressful to get there but you can do it and you will see how wonderful the results are, and you’ll wonder how you didn’t do it even sooner. xoxo

Deltus June 8, 2004 at 4:31 pm

Keep a list of things that must be done for the move, and things that must be done for today. Check off items as they get completed.

And remember, it’s not a bunch of obstacles in your way, they are stepping stones to get to your man. Every one completed is another step closer to him.

God, I disgust myself with all this positive mindset crap… :)

Solonor June 8, 2004 at 4:54 pm

It was the same scary thing moving from Maine to Florida 10 years ago. OK, not exactly the same, because my love moved with me, but you’re going to be in a completely different world. You can either focus on how different and how scary it is or on how everything is brand new and interesting. The latter is more fun. Trust me.

You’ll get through it, goofball. Keep your eyes on the goal and not on all the crappity crap pops up on the way.

And don’t worry about being “picky” or “difficult”. You’re the one moving thousands of miles out of your comfort zone. Your guy sounds like he’ll understand and tolerate a little flakiness. I think that’s a given, with you. ;p

Sorry. Didn’t mean to go all Father Knows Best on ya.

Erin June 8, 2004 at 5:20 pm

this year, I did something similar – I moved in with the one *I* love – new residence, new job – granted your move is in a totally different caliber than mine, but I so understand what you are going through. Sort of repeating the above sentiments, but sit down and make a list of everything you have to accomplish regarding the move (even the little details) and see if you can’t take 1/2 a day off just to relax, take a bath, get a pedicure, and just BREATHE :)

Kevin June 8, 2004 at 5:20 pm

OK…now I want to move to California!! ;)

I know where you’re coming from. I did the exact same thing to be with the woman who is now my wife. It’s been 10 years since I moved across country and I wouldn’t change one thing.

Actually, I guess I would go back and give my parents a little more notice. I think I basically said, “Hey. There might be a Ryder truck at my apartment tomorrow because I’m moving to Texas.” I was a chicken-shit about telling them.

But – when you know you have to be with someone – you just have to take the leap. I suppose some people try and just fall on their faces, but we just laugh at those people, right? :)

When it’s the right thing, it’s the right thing – and that’s all there is to it, S.

Lisa June 8, 2004 at 8:56 pm

You’ll get through this. Together.

fran June 9, 2004 at 5:11 pm

Breathe in, Breathe out….hang in there…stuff like this is supposed to be stressful….and remember, if you can’t find your Zen, there is always alcoholism….

Oh, you know I am just kidding….

Hang in there and keep faith in yourself…. *hugs*

jadedju June 9, 2004 at 8:53 pm

Okay, I’m here in the bay area you know, and I moved here from Massachusetts, where I grew up. Air conditioning is not needed if you are in San Francisco because you have the fog as natural coolant. However, if you live inland a bit, you’d be insane to not have a.c., I don’t care what anyone says about temperature. I’m in Oakland, and despite an extremely low tolerance for heat, I do fine with nothing more than a fan for the hottest weather.

Having said all that–setting limits and being clear about what you need in order to feel safe and cared for is never a bad thing.

stinkerbell June 10, 2004 at 6:49 am

I am going to lend my support to the mission as a whole, and echo jadedju.

Having grown up in Arizona when I moved to the NW (I include San Fran in there cause I LOVE it there and it is Northern) I found it odd too.

But seriously you wont need air con all but maybe 3 days of the year and a fan will work fine on those 3 days. You will pay through the nose for it and it isnt worth it. Much better to find a plac e with character and no a/c than a souless over priced “new” bldg with it.

Take the leap, live with out Air Con. And prepare to leave teh muggy humidity behind :)

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