It lasts and lasts

by statia on June 22, 2004

So last week, the Meester and I were rousing to get up and get me off to the airport. I did my usual morning pee and I noticed that he had wussy toilet paper. You know that smelly good cashmere shit. Of course, now, I don’t want to be one of those girlfriends that comes in and just takes over, but I had to step in on this one. I grew up on Scott toilet paper. It’s all my ass knows, and you know, I’m thankful for it. It’s made my ass a little bit tougher. Not to mention, you get more bang for your buck. Know what I’m saying? So I hop back into bed and make casual mention of how the whole T.P. situation is about to change. I said: “you know, when we move in together, we’re not going to have any of that namby pamby toilet paper. My ass was brought up on Scott. It makes for a tougher ass, and it lasts longer.” I think he generally knows I’m not a control freak, so I can only imagine what he thought of that.

But it leads me to wonder. Namby pamby or tough ass T.P?


Michelle June 22, 2004 at 6:31 pm

Love your blog, the colors, the content, your style. Good for you for making such a wonderful move in your life. BUT I have to chime in somewhere in the middle on the toilet paper issue. SCOTT?!? You mus tbe one tough cookie! I have to have my Charmin all the way…but nothing scented *yee gads*. Hope you guys can work out this scathing issue or you might have to install two TP holders!

P.S. Out of curiosity how is the darling dog getting from PA to CA?

Kat June 22, 2004 at 6:41 pm

Scott all the way. If for the only reason of 1,000 sheets compared to that fluffy, dingleberry causing, 400 sheets per roll crap.

nicole June 22, 2004 at 6:43 pm

I grew up on the fluffy stuff, but switched to Scott when I moved away from home. You get more bang for your buck, plus with that soft paper you get lint in your ass crack! :)

Camille June 22, 2004 at 6:58 pm

Namby Pamby. I like Angel Soft. I think its in between. I don’t like Cottonelle – its too soft.

mikey June 22, 2004 at 7:02 pm

wha, nobody makes tough TP that’s sensitive? dude, there’s gotta be a market for this… it’ll be called “metrosexual toilet paper”.

Sir Henry June 22, 2004 at 7:12 pm

Yeah, namby pamby, obviously. But, I need to intervene here and state for the record that it is not scented. Maybe the dingleberries are, but not the tp. She wants John Wayne toilet paper, hey, I have no complaints with that. I guess sand paper would be the next step up from Scott, but, that is the nature of compromise, eh? And I would do that for the ga ga goo goo love that she and I have. :P

Amy June 22, 2004 at 7:16 pm

Definitely Scott here. 1000 sheets, man!

fran June 22, 2004 at 7:16 pm

I think the question that should be asked here is “is there a particular purpose why you need your ass skin to be rough to begin with?”

Yes, that’s it.

Besides, Charmin isn’t all THAT expensive…

theresa June 22, 2004 at 7:22 pm

Yeah, along the same lines as fran, why are you toughening up your ass? ass olypmics? i like having a namby pampy ass. it’s charmin or cottonelle for me. thought it does balance out with the sandpaper they call TP at work.

Gina June 22, 2004 at 7:48 pm

You can keep your 1000 sheets I will continue to buy my 40 rolls of namby pamby. One mean case of roids and single ply ain’t getting anywhere near this ass.

martha June 22, 2004 at 7:52 pm

I like Angel Soft but the Scott is just a SO much better bargain.

buddha June 22, 2004 at 8:24 pm


at .49 cents a’s the best bang for your ass. As often as I move my bowels quantity is better than quality. Besides scotts makes for a tougher person like you said.

Empress June 22, 2004 at 8:57 pm

I used to be all about namby-pamby but there are only so many times I will live with a backed-up toilet and TP lint all up in my privates, you know what I mean?? Scott is my hero!

Kevin June 22, 2004 at 9:48 pm

There are very few things that won’t get compromised for fiscal common sense in my house, but Charmin Ultra in the Double Roll…there’s no compromising that.

I want my ass to be soft. I figure if I ever end up in prison it’s going to make me a hot commodity. Maybe I can score some extras from the guards.

Princess June 22, 2004 at 10:25 pm

We’ll be sure to put out the sandpaper for when your tough ass visits WA.

In the meantime, it’s Charmin for the regular visits and Cottonelle wipes for the heavy duty ones.

Just because life is tough doesn’t mean my ass has to be.

Zuly June 22, 2004 at 10:33 pm

I grew up on Scott, too, but I’m a Cottonelle girl now… I think it’s because with the IBS my ass has enough trauma, and I don’t need to be scraping sandpaper across it as well. I dig those wet ones, too.

ed June 23, 2004 at 1:23 am

ain’t no shame in a little soft goodness for your backside. amen to the wet wipes too — they take care of the dingleberry problem. :-D

meegan June 23, 2004 at 7:50 am

scott. totally. the namby pamby shit leaves ring around the asshole. and that just isn’t good for anyone.

tricia June 23, 2004 at 10:02 am

Scotts all the way. That fancy stuff doesn’t last two hours in my house.

Sarah June 23, 2004 at 10:06 am

What’s on sale? Yeah, I like that one best.*

*(must be two ply, double roll)

nastybastard June 23, 2004 at 10:44 am

tough tp. the namby pamby shit doesn’t work that well. it’s just gives your ass a lemony fresh scent of ass.

Davis June 23, 2004 at 11:53 am

I prefer Scott, too. White. Has to be white toilet paper. Uhh, yeah, I have issues with colored toilet paper. But that’s a whole other neurosis. June 23, 2004 at 12:00 pm

Shit Be Gone

Well, since the meeeses seems to think that cost far outwieghs comfort, I think I will go ahead and get a case of Shit Be Gone. At $.59 a roll, you really can’t beat it. And, it sounds like it…

KB June 23, 2004 at 4:24 pm

Scott’s or sandpaper for me…

robyn June 24, 2004 at 1:13 am

Is this why you backed up our toilet? Because I insist on the wussy Charmin Ultra and nothing else…?

Deltus June 24, 2004 at 11:02 am

The whole point of TP is to clean the ass. Scott cleans the best. I’d much sooner have a roughened-yet-clean ass than a pampered-yet-still-stained ass. Scott all the way.

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