by statia on June 16, 2004

Because my week has been nothing less than stellar, and becaue I’m feeling happy, I have three gmail invites. I know that it’s become increasingly easier over the last week or so to get a gmail account, but I have some invites to give away.

If you can tell me your most funny/embarrassing story, and it makes me snort milk out of my nose (which may be a little tricky, since I don’t even drink milk), a gmail acct is yours.

Hey, I said I was feeling happy, I didn’t say you wouldn’t have to show a little sumpn’ sumpn’ for it.


Sarah June 16, 2004 at 10:59 pm

So there was this girl, right. And here name was STarah. Yeah, she was weird, she liked the H at the end. Whatever. Anyway, one day, Tarah went to the Lilith fair with a bunch of her friends. It was at the Del Mar Fairgrounds–you know, Lilith fair, Del Mar Fairgrounds….I think they had a theme. Anyway, she goes with a bunch of her friends and since all her friends are stoners, they decide to partake in some smokable herbage. So Tarah and one of the 4 girls go the handicapped portapotty (dude, it’s a fair) and they go inside. Handicapped portapotties are spacious inside man. And she whips out her little pipe, which is rad and looks exactly like a Lancome lipstick and even in a colour she’d wear. Tarah and friend partake of herbage. And then decide to attept urination, as they’re already locked in a spacious, plastic septic tank. Tarah’s friend pisses with success and though Tarah laid a lovely seat cover on the toilet, she could not pee. Tarah and Friend walked about 90 miles back to their seats. Tarah sat down. And realised she had a toilet seat cover hanging out the back of her jeans. The good thing? Tarah was so high she thought it was funny too. ….But once the herbage wore off…. Goddamn.

skurdycat June 17, 2004 at 12:15 am

Ok, its worth a shot. We had this really dumb friend that alwauys hung out with us. I was able to get her to do really stupid things in public and I did it all without laughing while trying to convince her….here are 2 things that I was able to get her to do.

While at IHOP one time she said she had never tried the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity. I said, well the last time I had it the waitress got mad at me. Why? She asks. Because apparently there is an IHOP tradition for that order. So I convinced this girl that when the waitress took her order that she would have to raise her arms, swing them back and forth and sing..I want a Roooooooooty Toooooooooty Fresh and Fruuuuuuuity. And she sure did whole restaurant thought she was nuts.

THEN we were all in the pool and she was on a full length float. She said that the float was losing air and wanted to blow it up. Then she found out that there was a hole in the float and I convinced her that if she just out her mouth on the hole and sucked the two sides together that the enzymes in her saliva would naturally mold the plastic back together.

Yeah, she did it…she’s a dork, but we loved her hanging around with us.

Amy June 17, 2004 at 9:22 am

Okay, I can’t believe I’m going to tell this in public, but whatever – I’ll be a whore for the gmail.

A couple of months ago I was at home trying to do my business in the bathroom. But… I was having trouble. You know sometimes the shit just doesn’t want to leave the nest, I guess. So, anyway, I figure I’m going to be in there for a while – I reach for some reading material. But, it’s just slightly out of my reach – so I have to stand up part way to reach the book container. As I stand, I feel the release in my ass and think, “Oh boy… I hope that landed in the toilet.” I was afraid to look and did a slow-motion kind of thing looking down between my legs. Oh, fuck! It did not, alas, land in the toilet. There were some things to be grateful for, though – it didn’t land on the bathmat AND it was pretty solid. Heh.

So there you have it kids, I shit on my bathroom floor – and I was totally sober at the time. Also, if you’re ever feeling constipated, try standing up – I hear it works wonders. ;-)

Tarah June 17, 2004 at 11:05 am

^^^Oh fuck, dude. I spiked my coffee with peppermint syrup this morning and I just shot it through my nose. Cleared those sinuses right up! BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!

My mom fell in the Park n’ Ride this morning. She falls all the fucking time. She’s a gimp, I’m telling you. But today? Yeah. Broke her wrist. The PnR is right next to a hospital. But she drove back home so that my dad would take her and fill out the paperwork. You see where I get this shit? Now you see why I can walk around for days with an ass gasket hanging from my pants and not know it?

Anonymous Coward June 17, 2004 at 10:13 pm

ok let me try to be a gmail-whore :)

my most embrassing moment is not really funny at all but i find myself still cringing everytime i remember it. (like.. fuckkkkkkkk!!! aghh!)

me and my co-workers (some are close friends, some are not) decided to go on a beach for the weekend. We went to this island with white beaches and stayed C-class resort. our group of dozen is a mix of males and females and there is just no room big enough for us so we settled in a room w/ 2 beds and tried to cramp ourselves in (some slept in the cold cement floor). We swam and and went snorkling and shit like that until we are dead tired. my muscles cramped for swimming and running and doing all kinds of stupid things all day long.. and that means a BAD THING to me. you see, when im exhausted and went to bed, I snore!. If youve ever bought a sardines in a grocery in that rectangular can, you can imagine how we looked like in that tiny bed. there is just no room to move an inch. my whole body muscles are aching so bad i wasnt able to sleep for 2 hrs. next morning,
when i woke up, i realized i have been snoring loud enough to render them all sleepless and irritated until 6am (oh boy). i was sleeping like a baby and drooling at that.. for all they to see. i hoped, until today, that they didnt see any boner went up that morning.
if i knew that event would happen, i should have drowned myself in the pacific sea.

Posting anonymous to protect myself for further embarrassment.

sporty June 18, 2004 at 10:59 am

Hey anonymous coward, you’ll have to reveal yourself. :o P

Camille June 18, 2004 at 9:19 pm

Here’s mine…

St. Patrick’s Day 2 years ago. Dallas has this huge St. Pat’s party/parade. I got drunk and needed to pee. There was a huge line at this restaurant into the ladies room. I didn’t remember doing this (until my memory was refreshed), but apparently I couldn’t wait for one of the stalls so I pissed in the sink. Pretty embarrassing when your coworker (who is a guy) tells you what you did!

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