Breaking up is hard to do

by statia on April 5, 2004

When I was in my late teens, early 20′s, I dated this guy. It was my first long term relationship. To say this relationship was at best, toxic, is an understatement. We fought all the time. I mean all the time. We spent more time in his car fighting, with me crying than we did anything else. Yeah, it was fun. But, really, when you’re that age, you don’t know any better. You just want to be with someone. We were night and day. He was possessive, I wanted to be out with my friends. I was a social butterfly, he was antisocial. I became another person. I became dependent on him. He made me dependent on him. I lost all of my friends, I gained weight. I would cry at the drop of a hat. Yeah, it was great. Good times, good times.


When we broke up, it was the most horrible thing of my life. I spent the first month not sleeping. I lost 20 pounds (which was great, since he shoved food in my face the entire 2 years we were together). I was a mess. Naturally. Your first love. The fact that he made me dependent on him is what made the whole situation worse. I couldn’t understand why we were breaking up. How could he hurt me that way? I remember going to where he worked and us fighting about it again in the parking lot. He was so torn up over the whole thing, that he threw up right there in the parking lot, twice. But after about a month or so, I realized that it was for the best, and I felt like me again. You can’t salvage a relationship like that, and make it good. You just can’t. The best thing you can do, is take what you learned from it and move the fuck on.

Of course, looking back on the experience now, I know that it was a neccessary evil in my life to help me see who I didn’t want to be. Who I didn’t want to become. It was a big learning experience for me. It was a big learning experience for him too. I don’t wish him any ill will. I really never did. I never understood that. I never understood the “I hope they die a horrible death for hurting me” type of mentality. I mean, what the fuck?

Splitting up with my ex husband was like, the best break up in the history of break ups. We actually went out for ice cream afterwards. It hurt, sure, but I wasn’t a wreck over it.

Not that I’ve broken up with anyone really recently. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt. I’d not trade that first break up pain for anything in the world. But it’s weird how life changes how you react to things like that.

{ 11 comments }

Jonathan April 5, 2004 at 3:47 pm

I don’t think that it ever gets easier to break up with someone you care about (even if there’s some pain associated with the relationship), but I do think it gets easier to see it in a proper perspective: that it’s truly not the end of the world. That there’s no point in causing yourself more pain, once you can see where the relationship is heading.

theresa April 5, 2004 at 4:55 pm

In my worst breakup, I actually did the breaking-up. Yeah, it was my idea, and it sucked more than any other breakup – including the one where my first love broke my heart. It was crappy because there was no great reason for us to break up – we didn’t fight all the time or anything. But he was getting ready to move 3 hours away, and I knew that although I enjoyed dating him, I wasn’t committed enough to make it work from 3 hours away. Of course, he didn’t understand that. First he gave me horrible guilt trips, then he said nasty things about me to our mutual friends, and we haven’t spoken since. I’m sure he still hates my guts. You would think I killed his dog or something!

SJW April 5, 2004 at 5:33 pm

Sounds like the same guy I dated my last 2 years of high school. Immature love really was a miserable thing. But when I dumped Chris 3 years ago it was one of the easiest breakups ever. Of course, he tried to get his revenge when he told me (in a Christmas card last year) that he’s engaged. Fucktard.

Pamela April 5, 2004 at 5:59 pm

You too?

Melissa April 5, 2004 at 9:55 pm

Breakups are killer, but they always seem to be a good learning experience at least. Your breakup reminds me of mine. We were night and day too. I broke up with him, HUGELY painful. He guilt tripped me like mad. We ended up back together for 5 years, and then finally just realized were weren’t meant for each other. I’m glad it ended peacefully. But then I made another boo boo, and it was worse than the first. Thankfully I’m married, and I’ve matured a LOT since then. Hopefully no more mistakes for me. ;)

stinkerbell April 6, 2004 at 6:10 am

i was in the same deal 4 years ago, with a somewhat similar kind of guy. it tooke me much longer to get back to me though. it hurts like ALL HELL but really I thank my stars every day for it.

all that crap really does make you who you are and I do believe it does put you in the right place you are meant to be.

ericalynn April 6, 2004 at 12:10 pm

every single break up of mine (no matter who was on the giving or receiving end of it) was horrible in its own “special” way. but at the same time, the fighting within the relationship before we broke up was also horrible throughout. many times, i’d start a relationship, thinking right at the beginning how nice it is to start but how it’s going to suck when there’s a break up. i know that’s a horrible attitude but i was right every single time… i can safely say if stephen and i broke up, there’d be no ice cream afterwards. it would be a complete mess.

QC April 6, 2004 at 1:03 pm

I actually married my early 20′s toxic relationship guy. Why? It was easier than breaking up.

Egads.

Justagirli April 6, 2004 at 7:36 pm

First off I have just discovered blogs and some how have stumbled upon yours and now make it a point to read it everyday. Where do I begin about the break up story. As of last Tuesday, I have officially lost my first love, first boyfriend and husband of 12 years. I am 28 and have been with him since I was 16, why? Dunno? We fight, argue and quite honestly have completely grown apart. But a part of me wants that security that he has given me for the past 12 years. I have never in my life felt a pain like this, I feel like I will never get over it. I know that this too will be a learning experience and one day I will also look back and say he did the right thing. Right now it hurts though, Bad!

jay April 6, 2004 at 9:35 pm

I feel for ya girlie. I had a 6 year relationship with someone from the age of 18 to 24. There first couple of years were fine, then we grew apart and fought about EVERYTHING. We stayed together for convienence until one day I woke up and smelled the coffee. Since her I’ve still had my share of breakups but as time goes on they are getting easier almost to the point that it doesnt phase me and I just realize they were not meant for me.

Marybeth June 7, 2004 at 11:30 am

Holy Crap. I’m Marybeth and I love reading your blog and I just read this entry and that is ME. I’m 20 and my freshman year of college last year, I was you and my ex boyfriend was exactly like yours right down to the possessiveness and me gaining weight/crying etc. Thanks for posting that,it made me feel a lot better =)

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