Softens hands while you do dishes.

by statia on January 29, 2004

There are certain everyday things in life that some people have simply never done. A lot of people I know have never pumped their own gas. In New Jersey, it’s illegal to. Some people, just have no desire to learn. I find that funny, because pumping gas is so easy. Then again, it’s cold as ass crack outside today, and I’d be completely content with not being able to pump my own gas on a day like today. In fact, it’s hard to find a station that has a full serve pump around here. Anyway, I digress.

There are a few things that I’ve never really done. I’ve never learned to drive a stick shift, I’ve never in my life had to mow the lawn. Shit, I’ve never even started a lawn mower. I’ve also always had a dishwasher all my life, therefore, have never had to wash dishes.

Until recently. All I have to say is fuck that shit. I’m realizing that I suck at it, and it’s a never ending cycle. It makes me appreciate having a dishwasher that’s for sure. I know you’re thinking, how can you suck at washing dishes? Believe me, you can. It’s something that mundane that I could do without.

What have you never learned to do, or have no desire to learn to do?


Mike January 29, 2004 at 7:17 pm

Drive a stick shift, compute on a Mac, and deal with customers. They top my list.

sphinx January 29, 2004 at 7:20 pm

I never learned to drive a stick shift either. I tried once and almost got me and my mom killed. So I never tried again.

Jonathan January 29, 2004 at 7:40 pm

Eat at Taco Bell. I never have, and never will. Does that count?

Dee January 29, 2004 at 7:41 pm

yes, it is VERY easy to suck at dishes. My whole family sucks at doing dishes, so I have to do it all myself, and it is always the same plates and gazillion glasses and spoons every single day…. after day…. after day…. if I had room for a dishwasher, I’d have one by now. hell, I might get one anyway and hook it up in the bathroom or in my basement laundryroom. Desperate times, desperate measures….. ;-)

KB January 29, 2004 at 7:47 pm

I learned the other day, after almost ten years of marriage, that my wife has never pumped her own gas. Ever. You don’t have to in Jersey, like you said, and she used to pay extra in New York. Personally I’ve never learned how to swim.

unmute January 29, 2004 at 9:57 pm

i have no desire to learn how to perform sign language, but i fear that i might need it later in life and i don’t know why.

and not to be too crude, but i just stuck my finger in my ass crack and it’s rather warm down there, contrary to your compelling simile. i’m just sayin…

Adelle January 29, 2004 at 10:40 pm

I was in Jersey with a friend of mine once, and we got yelled at when we tried to pump gas… we had no idea!!! And as a child, I washed dishes EVERY DAMN night. So now, I live for the dishwasher. I feel you pain…

This is going to sound weird, but I need to learn Spanish. Who the hell new I was going to live so close to the border, having grown up so close to Canada? Now I wonder if the Mexicans are talking about me…

gojou January 29, 2004 at 10:53 pm

I’ve never learned to change a tampon, nor do I ever care to.

And may I say: If your ass crack is cold, you’re probably got bigger problems than dirty dishes. ;-)

Pamela January 30, 2004 at 2:42 am

I have understanding of your dish washing issue… had a summer job washing dishes that would not go away. A never ending mountain.
I always wished I would learn how to ski.
No desire to learn the foxtrot…

Arandil January 30, 2004 at 2:00 pm

Never pumped my own gas. Never learned to drive stick shift. Never learned how to do a back handspring. Never learned nuclear physics. Never mowed the lawn. Never made any major medical breakthroughs. Never had a novel published. Never starred in a major motion picture. Never hooked up with a british guy.

Man, my life is a waste!

Nancy January 30, 2004 at 2:51 pm

I can drive hell out of a stick, always pump my own gas, and I’ve mowed the grass for years but I can’t learn Spanish or French (tried) and I can’t sew or knit AND I NEVER, EVER WANT TO LEARN.
I would really rather have a cold ass crack which, I’m afraid, means hypothermia has set in or you’re already dead. Might want to get that checked.

TimK. February 1, 2004 at 2:32 am

You haven’t missed much not mowing the lawn. I hate it. I even have a riding lawn mower, which is fun to drive, but lawn mowing is so boring and time consuming. Then again, I have about an acre to mow, and lots of trees to trim around.

TimK. February 1, 2004 at 2:33 am

By the way, driving a stick is fun. It makes you feel like you’re in a race car. You should try it sometime.

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