It’s the Sog Monster

by statia on September 24, 2003

Every other Wednesday is the standing 5:00 nail appointment. I’ve been going to the same place for about 5 or 6 years now. They’re a close Italian family. They’re funny as hell, and after going on the same day for so long, you get to know everyone else that goes there too, and you get comfortable talking about anything.

This in and of itself amazes me. Here’s people you see twice a month, and they practically know your entire life history. Even medical. On any given day, the topics can range from the bad case of the gout someone’s mother has, to in depth discussions on how camel toe is plaguing the nation.

I’m not quite sure how the hell we got on the subject of cereal. Cereal is a big staple in my diet. I hate to cook for just myself. I hate grocery shopping. Cereal is easy. Certain cereals I just can’t eat for the texture factor. Take for instance Crunch Berries. It’s the type of cereal that you could leave in a bowl of milk, and take a 7 day cruise around the western carribean and it’ll still be perfect when you get back. Eating Crunch Berries causes you to rip your mouth to shreds, leaving a skin curtain dangling from the roof of your mouth, as it fills up with blood in the process. Eating it dry could cause you to hemmorage and die. Trix tastes like it’s got a layer of wax that they use on the dixie cups around it. Anything with raisins should be banned from exsistance.
Raisins are just wrong. Grape nuts makes great paste. Seeing as how it’s the same color of a light wood stain, you could probably use it to cover up a scratch, or maybe glue the leg back onto your end table.

I really have to start paying more attention to our conversations at the salon, though, I think I’ll spare the details of so and so’s grandfather who had the weird oozing rash.


tricia September 24, 2003 at 11:35 pm

Oh my God.. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at cereal. Either you have wayyy too much time on your hands to know the texture of every cereal ever made.. or… you take your cereal seriously. Dude, thanks for the laugh.. hahaha

BSTommy September 24, 2003 at 11:54 pm

Anything with marshmellows (Lucky Charms, etc) I can do with out.

Strawberry flavored cereals, like Frankenberry, literally make me ill to eat. So I don’t.

But personally, the scarred up mouth is part of the Cap’n Crunch experience for me. Makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something.

Sassy McSmartpants September 25, 2003 at 10:56 am

Oh my god, Lucky Charms is the best! BSTommy, I’m afraid we have to break up now. (Did you even know we were together? Nice to meet you.)

But I could sit and eat a box of Frosted Mini Wheats until France fell off the earth.

Sassy McSmartpants September 25, 2003 at 10:58 am

And really–what’s the point of cocoa or fruity pebbles? They turn to slime after .000005 seconds in milk. If you put them within 10 feet of milk, they’re inedible. They become wallpaper paste.

Jonathan September 25, 2003 at 4:33 pm

That damn camel toe.

James McDone September 25, 2003 at 8:29 pm

Statia. I think that you have to get laid right away if you are spend lots of time know all the texture factor of cereal. Hee hee :-)

Amy September 25, 2003 at 10:34 pm

I can not eat ANY cereal with milk. I have serious texture issues with the sog. So I eat all my cereal with a side of milk. Just had my shredded wheat and bran, in fact.

mikey September 26, 2003 at 12:04 pm

Count Chocula was, and still is, my favorite cereal… but i can’t find it anywhere around me, dammit!

rickg September 26, 2003 at 12:19 pm

Cocoa Krispies….mmmmmmmm


rickg September 26, 2003 at 12:20 pm


Kristi September 26, 2003 at 12:31 pm

Oh my god- I thought I was just neurotic or eating cereal the wrong way- Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch tears the shit out of my mouth too!!! What’s up with the Cap’n?

Dania September 26, 2003 at 4:57 pm

Mikey-Target has it.

My fav is Cinnamon Toast crunch and Life cereal..I love shredded wheat too, Can you get that here?

Irma September 28, 2003 at 4:50 am

OK. Officially one of my new favorite daily reads ;)

ChrisTina September 28, 2003 at 6:15 pm

I love Grape Nuts with a WHOLE bowl of milk. Any other cereal I only use a little bitty bit of milk. I like Basic 4 too. It’s got those little yogurt coated nuts things in it…mmmmm

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