If you sprinkle when you tinkle….

by statia on September 5, 2003

As I get older, I become more germ phobic. Like so many others, I use those sanitary toilet seat covers. However, I have a problem with these. The middle isn’t totally cut out. It’s still attached. Detaching it becomes a challenge. Then you’ve got to do this balancing act of holding the damn thing on the toilet seat, while unzipping your pants, and hoping that between letting go and ass contact, that thin little germ protector won’t fall into the toilet. So I leave it attached.

This poses another problem in and of itself. Half the time, the pee stream isn’t strong enough to break that seal, thus having some seeping of pee onto the lower half of an ass cheek.

There’s gotta be a better way.


ed September 5, 2003 at 1:20 pm

you call them sanitary seat covers, I call them ass-gaskets.

mikey September 5, 2003 at 1:40 pm

ha haaaa, i can pee standing up. ya big peeleg!

Mace September 5, 2003 at 1:41 pm

And how sanitary are they really? They spend the whole day in a stall. I guess I don’t have to worry about it too often since I have a penis, but who really cares it you get some germs on your ass cheeks? You could learn to pee standing up though. http://www.restrooms.org/standing.html

emily September 5, 2003 at 2:23 pm

Better yet, be lazy about it and get some of these.

Adelle September 5, 2003 at 2:42 pm

My suggestion… hover!

Kristi September 5, 2003 at 3:42 pm

OMG- I thought I was the only one that noticed that!!! What the hell?!? Why don’t they have them totally cut out? I forget and then put the seat cover down and have to somehow tear it off without touching a)toilet water or b)the actual toilet. Eww…

Big Bri September 5, 2003 at 5:15 pm

Did you know there are more germs in your mouth then in the genital region?

Kevin September 5, 2003 at 6:39 pm

Did you know the human head weighs eight pounds? :)

Hey, why not just get some depends, girly!

munin September 5, 2003 at 6:43 pm

i never understood why they just didn’t cut the middle out completely. sadists. i tell you that’s what they are.

Feisty Girl September 5, 2003 at 6:44 pm

I JUST had this convo with someone else. I love having to decided if you prefer to sit in someone else’s urine, or your own.

todd September 5, 2003 at 6:47 pm

I am a firm believer in the ass-gaskets. I have found that putting them on backwards does the trick of making the middle ‘pop’ better.

For me doing it this way makes the middle pop as soon as I sit on it.

emily September 5, 2003 at 7:20 pm

I know you’re all having fun dissing the ass gasket, but the reason they don’t completely remove the middle is because it needs to hang into the toilet so it gets flushed without you having to touch it after you’ve sat on it. And the reason it’s not “pre-loosened” is because if they did that, it would be bitch hard to package it in those funky wall hanging boxes with the flap all loose and stuff.

Sean September 5, 2003 at 8:32 pm

No…I understand why they don’t detach the back, but they don’t detach the front. And at that…it’s not like it’s easy and all to actually detach the front. They need better perferations or something.

Now this was a funny ass blog.

Niki September 6, 2003 at 1:55 am

I usually pop the middle out of the paper covers before I set it on the toilet. For the longest time I used to tear out the middle altogether until I actually came across a box of those that had instructions on it.. the middle is supposed to cover the front part of the toilet bowl so as to protect against splatters that would otherwise land on the open space between the two sides of the seat (for those toilet seats built that way), or worse, those that would land on ones clothing. I guess. :) And I agree — funny blog. :o )

Schnee September 6, 2003 at 8:48 pm

After reading about how complicated those seat covers are, I think I’ll stick to hovering…or squatting as I’d call it. LOL. If I really have to sit, I’ll use toilet paper. No directions required. Hehehehe…

Cam September 6, 2003 at 9:17 pm

This is now officially Reason #498 why I’m glad I have a penis.

Tina September 7, 2003 at 4:20 am

In basic training they teach Airmen how to do the partial squat… and believe this is the reason. I mean after all do you know how many STDs are floating around out there on toilet seats. The scary part is, even this isn’t full proof as those crabs can jump. I just say stick with this method and shave it all off, you can’t go wrong with that! ;D

Camille September 7, 2003 at 4:53 pm

I’m like Niki. I used to tear the whole thing out too, until I came across one that had the instructions. Regardless, public restrooms suck!

tabatha September 7, 2003 at 9:11 pm

my mom worked at a lubys a long while back, and one of their employees used the public restrooms.. they found crabs on the seat. and. did. nothing. to. clean. it. ewwww, ewww. ewww.

tabatha September 7, 2003 at 9:11 pm

my mom worked at a lubys a long while back, and one of their employees used the public restrooms.. they found crabs on the seat. and. did. nothing. to. clean. it. ewwww, ewww. ewww.

Sean September 8, 2003 at 2:33 am

Tina, do they really teach that in the Air Force? Holy crap Buttman…

In the Army they teach us not to pee on ourselves. Strange but true.

Kevin September 8, 2003 at 11:56 am

True Story:

Last month I was visiting a resturant in a po-dunk town here in Idaho, I went to use the bathroom.

Well it wasn’t till I was done that I noticed there was no TP. So a friend of mine was in there at the time, and I asked him to get me some out of the other stall. Denied. So then I he tried for some paper towels. Denied.

Needless to say wiping your ass with a sanitary cover is only recommended for the most dire situations.

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