Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind

by statia on March 17, 2003

Yesterday, I went into my storage closet looking for a book in one of my millions of rubbermaid containers. I happened to come across an envelope that I hadn’t seen before. It was a small brown accordian type envelope, filled with pictures and letters. It turns out it was my mother’s. How it got in there, I don’t know. I suspect that while we were down there cleaning the basement one day, it accidentally got thrown in there. I had about 60 rubbermaid containers filled with all of my stuff while I was staying with them. My parents had their fair share of their own containers. It’s not surprising that I hadn’t seen it either. When I moved, there were lots of containers that I just simply opened and quickly glanced at. Knowing it was something I didn’t need, I simply put it aside.

It was like looking into the past of my mother. I really don’t know much about what sort of social circle she had as a teenager. I don’t know much about her past life at all except for the major things. I suppose this holds true for most kids about their parents. The pictures were faded. I didn’t know who they were of. None of them contained my mother. The letters were old and fragile, and from people that I had never heard of her speak about growing up.

I felt almost guilty looking at that stuff. Like I shouldn’t have it. But it was there. I read some of the letters. Trying to see if there was anything there that I could learn. I learned that my mother was boy crazy. Or so it seemed from these letters. I was never like that at the age of 17 or 18. I had the occasional crush, but I wasn’t really what I would have considered “boy crazy”. I don’t know why, but I felt relieved. Relieved because I always say my mother and I are nothing alike. When people say that you turn into your mother, it scares me. They say it’s impossible not to. While I think that you do sort of pick up traits, you can be quite different from your parents. This is something I’ve struggled to overcome in my short adult life. I realize that we do share a few of the same traits, but it felt good to know that I wasn’t a carbon copy of her.

Even if I’m screwed up, it’s good to know who I am.


ericalynn March 17, 2003 at 9:11 pm

it’s interesting that you write that… i went through something opposite – i always thought i’d be just like my mother and when i looked at her old pictures and letters and even some of her journals, i realized i was really nothing like her… some of that was relieving, but a lot made me feel upset. anyway, wonderful entry…

Joelle March 17, 2003 at 9:38 pm

How funny…I am currently digging through an old box of my late mother’s things, photos of her from college (she was a homecoming queen and a UCLA pin-up) and letters and articles and things. Since I only knew her a short while, it’s been amazing to discover she was WOMAN (an amazing one at that) and not just “my mom”. :) I think it’s important for you to identify with your mom like that. I’m glad you found that.

Tracy March 17, 2003 at 9:41 pm

You know Statia, you’re in a unique position. Most people don’t have that kind of experience in regard to their mother until, like Joelle said, they’re going through things after their mother has passed away. Could be an open door through which you and your mom could mend some fences…

whistler March 17, 2003 at 11:04 pm

wow. sometimes you take your parents for granted not fully knowing the lives they had before we came along. Always interesting to learn about that side of them.

Sara March 17, 2003 at 11:25 pm

I felt obliged to comment. Even though I would love to know ‘more’ about my parents, part me feels like I am intruding (like if they wanted me to know more, then they would fill me in) but then the other part of me thinks that they would appreciate me having a simple desire to want to know.

theresa March 17, 2003 at 11:34 pm

Is it possible for me to turn into my father instead of my mother? I’m accused of acting just like him all the time. I don’t see it as such a bad thing – my mother is the crazy one ;)

ChrisTina March 18, 2003 at 10:28 am

That’s really cool. I know allabout my mother but nothing about my father. I wish I could find somethings about him.

gojou March 18, 2003 at 3:05 pm

Statia, screwed up you may be, but I am totally digging ya! You RULE!

sphinxy March 19, 2003 at 9:20 am

You arent screwed up.. your wonderful babe.

Lisa, Gal of Unix March 19, 2003 at 12:17 pm

If someone told me I was like my mom, I think I’d go into serious depression. Like you, I’ve worked very hard to be my own person. From what I know of my mom’s childhood, we are nothing alike. Like you, that pleases me to no end.

Tenth-Muse March 21, 2003 at 9:35 pm

Feelin’ Schmaltzy

I was cleaning my house tonight and I came across the Big Book of Mom™ that I’d dragged out recently…

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: